“He walked into the room.” — “She sat on a bench.” — “They left the store.”
We all use stage direction. It’s unavoidable; readers need to know where our characters are in the space we’ve created for them. And sometimes a simple statement of action is needed. But most of the time, it can be improved upon.
If it wasn’t clear from the above examples, “stage direction” is when a character’s movement is narrated like one might write in a script: straightforward and unembellished statements indicating a character’s direction.
This is great for plays or movies, where concise and clear instructions are preferable when actors and directors need to follow them.
Not so great in a novel, where the author’s goal is to keep a reader’s interest and immersion. Let’s take a look at how you might improve these sentences by adding intention, context, or grounding description.
Improving Stage Direction
Adding intention
might be the easiest solution. You should know why your character is doing an action; that’s probably the reason you’re writing the action in the first place. Instead of separating action and intention, combine them. Is your character walking towards the table to take a seat? Grab something off it? Talk to someone?
He walked to the table. > Why? > He walked to the table and pulled out a chair to slump into.
Contextualizing
is another solution. Obviously not every action has a purpose beyond itself, sometimes a character is moving in order to… well, get to where they’re going. In that case, rounding it out with more context and emotionally-charged description can help create a more compelling sentence. Is there a specific way the character is conducting the action? Is there an underlying feeling within the scene that could add emotional charge?
Take the entire scene into consideration and determine your character’s place in the situation and how they might be feeling. If she is one of two friends being reunited, she might move with excitement and eagerness. If he’s a bystander watching the reunion, he might be more hesitant.
Nadine ran to her friend. > How? > Nadine squealed and rushed toward her old friend.
Paul walked up to them. > How? > Paul walked up as inconspicuously as he could so as not to disturb the reunion.
Grounding
means adding description to an action in order to make it tangible, to “ground” it to the world it’s happening in. In the absence of purpose, this adds immersion and substance to your world, which is never a bad thing.
David sat down. > Where’s the world? > David sat on one of the stone benches that lined the garden path and looked up at the stars glinting in the dark sky.
Sometimes you already have the description and it’s simply a matter of shuffling things around. Such as in the above example, where the original was actually:
“Stone benches lined the paths of the garden. The stars glinted on the dark night sky and David sat down then took a deep breath.”
Everything is there, it’s just disjointed and therefore more a random collection of facts than a grounded visual. (Don’t worry, the deep breath was incorporated into the next sentence. Its purpose was not disregarded.)
Other Solutions
If none of the above work, you could try eliminating or rewording.
If the surrounding sentences already imply or show the direction, you might be able to eliminate the stage direction all together.
Jacob and Sam walked out of the store. They left the marketplace behind and headed north-west for Holliston. > Are both sentences needed? > Jacob and Sam left the marketplace behind and headed north-west for Holliston.
Getting rid of the first sentence still gives every bit of information and context the reader requires. By indicating that Jacob and Sam left the marketplace, it is only logical to assume that they walked out of the store they were in beforehand.
If the sentence still definitely, absolutely, without a doubt needs to remain then replacing the action with a stronger verb can still be an improvement.
Instead of “She ran across the street,” you could write “She sprinted across the street.” Instead of “He walked up to the table,” write “He ambled up to the table.”
Yes, I know that’s elementary writing 101 stuff but hey, there’s a reason it’s part of the bedrock of writing advice. Some words are just more emotionally charged than others.
Something as simple as an adverb can do the job, too: instead of “He walked towards him,” write “He walked hesitantly towards him.” Adding even basic emotion gives the sentence more purpose than sterile stage direction.
(PSA: All of this should be done during the editing process. Stage direction is actually very helpful in first drafts, in my opinion, because it’s an easy way to keep the narration flowing while giving your future self a roadmap to follow and work with. If it moves the scene along for YOU initially and keeps you writing, that’s all that matters. So don’t fret about this while you’re drafting.)
Wow, that was a lot! Are you ready to be done? Good, because that was definitely the end, I promise.
Effectively Using Stage Direction
…Okay, yes, there’s more, but this is the last thing! I feel it’s necessary to lay out the exception to all of the above, because straightforward stage direction can actually be an effective narrative tool. Indicating a character’s direction of movement can invoke emotional symbolism or build intrigue.
A character moving closer to someone or something can show emotional closeness (or desire for emotional closeness), vulnerability, security (or the desire/need for security), fondness, attraction, etc. Obviously in the opposite way, a character moving back or away can indicate emotional distance, revulsion, anger, fear, etc.
Take these two examples:
“I still love you.” Her mother opened her arms. Anna stepped forward. She stopped herself, breath catching in her throat.
“But you love yourself more,” she whispered.
“I still love you.” Her mother opened her arms. Anna stepped back. She stopped herself, breath catching in her throat.
“But you love yourself more,” she whispered.
Exact same scene, but the direction of Anna’s movement completely changes the underlying emotion.
As for building intrigue, a character moving closer to a specific location or object can be used as a narrative device. A character inching closer to a table, for example, is a miniature plot breadcrumb. It creates a small intrigue in the reader. A page later, when the character uses their proximity to the table to snatch a knife from it and defend themselves, that breadcrumb is answered and the intrigue is rewarded.
Like all writing tools, stage direction is not inherently bad. Use it strategically and it can be an effective writing device. Otherwise, I hope the tips here can help you strengthen your narration as you edit your manuscript.
What’s your favorite “crutch” to use in drafts to keep the story moving forward? Comment with your own!